Looking for a simpler life, but not too simple…

Homesick or something like it….

I kinda feel like I’m homesick. Not the homesick everybody would think. I don’t want to go back to Vegas. I just miss having a big place to move around or veg out on the sofa or play video games.

Today I just had the strong urge to want to settle down and have a place of my own again. I don’t know if that’s just cuz of the size of the RV and maybe it’s just too cozy for me. Or maybe not being able to be by myself for awhile without having someone two feet from me.

It’s not that I don’t mind it’s just that everyone needs their own space at times and I think I’m just going through one of those times. I don’t know why I feel like that.

Maybe it’s just being around new people all the time and not really being used to it. Not knowing how to react and deal with being a “people person” all the time. It’s one thing I’m not good at doing. But it’s one thing I went on the road for, too. To break out of my shell and meet new people and put myself in those awkward situations…

Maybe I am breaking out of my shell and I don’t feel comfortable so I’m trying to find that comfort zone again.

Earlier this week I was ready to move on out of Nashville. I don’t know if I want to move on now. If there was any place I’d be able to hang out and do nothing it would be here at Tara’s aunt’s house. But I still feel like it’s not where I want to be.

Maybe I need to just get on the road and keep doing things that I’m uncomfortable doing to overcome my discomfort of dealing with people.

For the past couple of months I’ve been finding busy work to do with myself instead of really sitting back and processing everything. And now it’s just like a pot that’s boiling over. It’s reach that point. I’m so used to knowing what’s around the next corner and what to expect day in and day out. Now having all this freedom and uncertainty…not knowing how to handle it or not knowing what to do or what direction to go or what to expect…that is really difficult for me to finally face.

Tara’s calling it deschooling. I’m not sure what to call it yet.


6 responses

  1. v

    I hope you can work through this in a way that makes you happy. I don’t even know that I could do what you guys are doing. I’m always trying to create a sense of place for myself that I might not be able to handle being so uprooted.

    I hope you find some roots when and where you really need them.

    July 8, 2010 at 7:38 pm

  2. deb

    sounds like you are entering into a space to do some deep and heavy work – breath deeply as you enter this space and best of luck!

    July 8, 2010 at 8:55 pm

  3. You are truly on a journey … good luck and may peace within come to you.

    July 9, 2010 at 7:50 am

  4. Gramma Annie

    Remember as a kid when you would get physical growing pains that were uncomfortable? These growing pains are uncomfortable too. I am pleased to see you revealing your feelings. You will work through this and come out a different and better person because you have two people with you who are also growing and changing and fully understand where you are in your personal journey. I have total faith in your ability to get to the other side of this obstruction and once again feel peaceful. I love you!! XOXOXO

    July 9, 2010 at 5:21 pm

  5. Hey Justin!
    Those are totally normal feelings to have when you’re on the road. In the past 3 years, I think Matt and I have those feelings AT LEAST once every couple of months.

    We start to think about settling down…we look at different places to live…we day dream about taking endlessly long hot showers… 🙂

    But then we snap out of it. Because we love being on the road MORE than settling down. We think about how much WORK a sticks and bricks house is and how much we love being able to take our home with us wherever we go.

    We have found that those feelings get really strong when we’ve been in one place for a long time (for us, a “long time” is about 2 weeks).

    Our remedy is to GET MOVING! 🙂 Drive somewhere new! You might even think about getting a hotel room for a couple of nights for a change of pace. Or maybe you and Tara could get a hotel room and leave Zeb at auntie’s house 😉 tee hee.

    If you’re ever thinking about getting off the road and settling back down…make sure you give yourself at least a month to work through all the emotions that surround such a decision.

    It’s awesome that you’re getting to experience so many new things and people…I know that for me, even as a true “people person”, spending time in one place with the same people in a small space can be hard.

    My final recommendation: Get a bigger RV 😉

    Hang in there…hope to see you soon.

    Much love from the Janssens.

    July 9, 2010 at 8:16 pm

  6. We lived on the road for 12 months in Australia and we experienced similar feelings to you. After the initial high of the incredible freedom, there was a sudden realisation that we did not have the ..what? safety? security? stability? of living in a house. Working through all of the different thoughts about that allowed me to get in touch with the things I thought living in a house would give me. I thought I was missing out on being a part of a community but I realised that I was a part of a much larger community. My kids loved having a variety of new friends to play with. Our camper was small, but we stepped out of it into the biggest backyard ever!

    I realised that the illusions that I thought living in a house would give me, were way down on the list compared to the sense of safety and security and stability that came from inside of me once I surrendered to the moments. I realised that I really didn’t HAVE to live like that…it was purely a choice.

    I absolutely loved living on the road! It met all of my needs for simplicity, freedom, adventure and family connection. I was not ready to move back into a house, but Cary was and he wanted to try to set up a business in this area. Parts of this have been nice, like having extra space to move around when it’s raining or cold and…um…maybe there’s other things. When we were on the road and it was raining or cold, we would get out and go to museums or the library or we would find something to do. We rarely sat around watching movies as much as we do now. We were more active and our lives felt fuller. On nice days, we were swimming or biking or hiking or just exploring.

    I hear you on wanting some personal space too. I learned to find that within myself, to find a quiet place even when there were others close. Like imagining the eye of a storm. We had easy access to a lot of natural beauty and I found that very healing and soothing.

    Our 12 months on the road was the best year of my life! I learned so much about myself and have carried lessons of non-attachment, peace, Trust and others, into my life back in a house. I miss living otr. Cary does also and we are talking about doing it again next February. I’m ready! Our kids are really excited about it too!

    July 10, 2010 at 12:53 pm

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