Homesick or something like it….
I kinda feel like I’m homesick. Not the homesick everybody would think. I don’t want to go back to Vegas. I just miss having a big place to move around or veg out on the sofa or play video games.
Today I just had the strong urge to want to settle down and have a place of my own again. I don’t know if that’s just cuz of the size of the RV and maybe it’s just too cozy for me. Or maybe not being able to be by myself for awhile without having someone two feet from me.
It’s not that I don’t mind it’s just that everyone needs their own space at times and I think I’m just going through one of those times. I don’t know why I feel like that.
Maybe it’s just being around new people all the time and not really being used to it. Not knowing how to react and deal with being a “people person” all the time. It’s one thing I’m not good at doing. But it’s one thing I went on the road for, too. To break out of my shell and meet new people and put myself in those awkward situations…
Maybe I am breaking out of my shell and I don’t feel comfortable so I’m trying to find that comfort zone again.
Earlier this week I was ready to move on out of Nashville. I don’t know if I want to move on now. If there was any place I’d be able to hang out and do nothing it would be here at Tara’s aunt’s house. But I still feel like it’s not where I want to be.
Maybe I need to just get on the road and keep doing things that I’m uncomfortable doing to overcome my discomfort of dealing with people.
For the past couple of months I’ve been finding busy work to do with myself instead of really sitting back and processing everything. And now it’s just like a pot that’s boiling over. It’s reach that point. I’m so used to knowing what’s around the next corner and what to expect day in and day out. Now having all this freedom and uncertainty…not knowing how to handle it or not knowing what to do or what direction to go or what to expect…that is really difficult for me to finally face.
Tara’s calling it deschooling. I’m not sure what to call it yet.